In grandmamma's kitchen, things got in a riot ;
    The cream in a pot on the shelf,
Where everything always seemed peaceful and quiet,
    Got whipped--for I heard it myself.
And grandmamma said--such a queer thing to say--
That it made some things better to whip them that way.
Some bold, naughty eggs, that refused to be eaten
    Off toast with their brothers mabe,
Were stripped of their clothing and cruelly beaten
    Right where all the dishes could see ;
And grandmamma, said, though the poor things might ache,
The harder the beating, the lighter the cake !
The bright golden butter was petted and patted,
    And coaxed to be shapely and good ;
But it finally had to be taken and spatted
    Right hard with a paddle of wood.
When grandmamma carried the round balls away,
The buttermilk sulked, and looked sour all day.
The water declared that the coffee was muddy,
    But an egg settled that little fuss ;
Then the steak and the gridiron got in a bloody
    And terrible broil ! Such a muss !
And a flatiron spat at grandma in the face,
And I ran away from the quarrelsome place.
                                   --Ella Wheeler Wilcox.